Monthly Archives: April 2015

My return from a cyberspace black hole

It has been two weeks since my last blog. I would prefer to say I was on vacation, lazing on a sunny beach with a brunette and a blonde of the female species, idling the day away drinking grape Kool-Aid and playing tidily winks, but alas that was not the reason.

I am part of a Wi-Fi network and our home base from which we draw cyber-power was accidently dismantled for reasons that are confusing, humorous, and scary. I have also promised never to reveal how or why this happened in order to protect the guilty. The problem was resolved but after few days of deleting 1, 217 emails and ready to blog once again, a new problem arose which caused another shutdown.

The second problem concerned a modem and was so bad we had to bring in a NASA technician  to fix the problem. It took days, but he discovered that an alien power was hacking into our network and was gathering data on us. Our signal was redirected to a black hole in another galaxy, which as you may know, has shown to be in another dimension, one where time is in reverse. You can look it up. 

I have been in power outages when the house goes dark, you grab a flashlight, light candles, and sit in the dark. We tend to take electricity for granted and when it is not there we do odd things. Like trying to turn on a radio-what-oh yeah- that won’t work. No heat, so we go to the stove-wait that won’t work either. We have trained ourselves to turn things on, it is ingrained in us. The feeling of being out of network was similar. I knew I could not get on the Internet, but that did not stop my mind from telling me to see what movies were playing in town by clicking a favorite webpage. Baseball scores? Click MLB. com.

Without Internet access I felt cutoff from the world. I rely on it to inform, to entertain, to do many other fun and exciting things, though I am not addicted to social media. I can live without Twitter, Facebook, (though I have both) and all the other social sites. I prefer real social interaction to cyber interaction. But I am glad to be back-at least for now. Beware of black holes

 

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Writers should type slower and read slower

I have discovered why I was making numerous-and I mean numerous- typos when I wrote and it has to do with my brain-and possibly your brain as well. My problem is that my mind works too fast, or should say worked too fast, because I have slowed things down.

What I mean is that when I typed my brain saw an entire phrase or entire sentence and my fingers could not keep pace with the speed that my brain was pouring out words like a monsoon in June. Now when I type I see one word at a time-though there is a long line of subjects, verbs, nouns, and assorted other cousins behind the first word, they do not get lost, nor do they leave to return when the line is shorter. At first the slow pace was frustrating, but with practice the pace picked up and I see the keyboard better and the letters I must stroke come quickly, but not at the break neck speed that created typos so ridiculous that some were not translatable.That is scary believe me. I can’t write long hand because my handwriting looks like something carved on a stone in ancient Egypt in need of a cryptologist.

Reading slower is also good for another reason. I do read, or try to read, fast when reading a book, just not my own. (For some reason I can read a book on Kindle faster than a hard copy, real book.) As a writer when you proofread you must read slow; I repeat you must read slow. Chances are the entire paragraph is set in your mind, perhaps the entire chapter if not the entire book are embedded in your mind and when you read the page your mind sees what is set in your mind, not what is on the page. Your brain must read slow, letter by letter, comma by comma. It is too easy to miss if you read fast.

Thanks for reading. I hope you did not read the blog to fast.

 

 

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My confession as to why my novel is delayed

I have trouble making decisions. I should have finished my third novel a year ago. I want to get it right of course and therein lies the problem. I have trouble deciding what’s what.

Case in point, I have read conflicting opinions on how frequently one should shower, so I wait until the police come to my door complaining that neighbors thought there was a dead body in the house. They always hold their nose when I answer the door and once a cop pulled a gun on me; later apologizing, saying he had seen too many episodes of “The Walking Dead.”

On the occasion when I have showered-thanks to police recommendation-I have trouble deciding which restaurant to take my date. It is too difficult to decide between Le Maison, an expensive, but well worth it, French restaurant or the local DQ. In the end my indecisiveness means no date and eating mac and cheese alone with the TV off because there are too many shows to choose from that look interesting. How can one choose between QVC’s adult diaper sale and “The Muppets in Nebraska” Hallmark special.

Life is confusing. Coffee is bad for you. Two years later it is good for you. Grains are good for you-except the New York Times bestselling book saying no they aren’t. A glass of wine a day is good for your heart. But not for your appendix. Dairy products are bad for you, except for those who say they are good for you.

Therein lies the problem. Irregardless is a legitimate word in some dictionaries, but not in others. It should be regardless, or irrespective, never irregardless. Personally I don’t like the word and never use it. I have made that decision.

But proofreading is a bugaboo. Where do the commas go? Can I end a sentence with a preposition? It is considered bad grammar, but not in every sector of the grammarian world. There are too many things I can’t fathom, never will apparently. But I will strive to finish my novel before . . .

Sorry I must go. The police are banging on my door. 

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