I know what they meant, but…

All writers need editing even headline writers. The following are actual headlines. We know what they mean, but obviously how the headlines are written indicates the proofreader didn’t catch something.

“Chick Accuses Some  of Her Male Colleagues of Sexism.” I am guessing her colleagues were strutting roosters.

“Deaf College opens doors to hearing.”  I don’t know why the hearing would want to attend a deaf college, but that is their choice.

Young Marines Make Tasty Christmas Treats.” I wonder if the marines had the surname of Donner. Along the same lines, “Students cook and serve Grandparents.” Reminds me of the famous W.C. Fields line when asked if he liked children. “I like children-fried.” I think we have covered all ages of cannibalism. Moving on.

“Academics to dissect Bob Dylan at New York conference.” I always wanted to know what made him tick. I wonder what they found.

Tiger Woods plays with own balls, Nike says.” If he had done that more he might have saved his marriage.

Another sports entry. “Rangers Hamilton to get shot for sore knee.” I wonder what he gets for a pulled hamstring.

“Police seeking man handcuffed to chair.”  It obviously wasn’t an electric chair, but his next chair might be.

“Mayor Parriss to homeless: Go home.” This headline could not have been an accident.

“Doobie tickets on sale for Joint show.” I hear they sold out within an hour.

“Parents keep kids home to protest school closure.” Parents are smarter than they look.

“Dead man found in graveyard.” I wonder if it was same man tied handcuffed to chair. For a dead person, being found in a graveyard is ideal for those with limited income, like the homeless who were told to go home. A hole can be dug and the deceased rolled in, eliminating the funeral. I’m glad I live ten yards from a graveyard. If I feel ill, I will just walk over and wait.

“Threat disrupts plan to meet about threats.” This is what happens when you procrastinate, putting off important meetings.

“Butts arrested in Boob murder case.” There are so many ways you can go with this one, so I will let you  make up your own jokes. I will say-and this is not a joke- when I was in grade school there was an art teacher at another school. He was married and when you looked them up in the phone book, it said: Harry and Rosy Butts. A perfect match wouldn’t you say?

So if you are a writer, even if your sentence makes sense, make sure the sense has only one meaning. Thanks for stopping by.

Speaking of graveyards. My ebook “Cemetery Tales and other Phantasms” is on Amazon for $2.99. http://www.amazon.com/Cemetery-Tales-other-Phantasms-Nelson-ebook/dp/B00G9JND9Q/ref=la_B00EEVHN38_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1385969154&sr=1-1

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Filed under e-book publishing, humor, Uncategorized, writing

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