Yes, I came from pulp, which came from a tree, quite a long process. I don’t understand e-books, they are like aliens from another planet or something.
How does it feel when you first get to a bookstore?
Oh, I just love it, especially when readers see me, pull me off the shelf or from the display, flip my pages, then stop, look around, and when no one is watching, they put their nose into my crease and sniff the newness of my fresh font.
Frankly, that sounds odd.
Not for me, it is quite intimate, and intimacy between reader and book is special. I love being read in bed. I like to snuggle too you know.
Well, what don’t you like?
Before I answer that, let me add how much pleasure I get while you are reading me. As you read me, I am reading you, watching your expressions, your eyes; I see your eyebrows rise when surprised, see you mouth scowl when something happens in the story you find upsetting. I see you smile when you are happy. I see it all and I love our communication.
What if the reader doesn’t like your story?
Oh please, let’s not go there. Moving on, you asked about what I don’t like. I am leery when people eat when they read me. I hate when crumbs fall into my crease. There are slobs who just leave them there as if it means nothing. I nice person would floss my crease. And you have no idea what a ketchup stain does to my self esteem. But I love being read by people who don’t drink coffee. The stain is bad enough, but if you’ve ever spilled hot coffee on yourself, you know why I am no coffee fan.
You care about how you look then?
Of course. Most of all I am concerned with my spine, I am flexible, but don’t crack my spine too hard, for that can cause me excruciating pain. And I have no medical. It is not that I am fragile, but I do want to stay in good shape and have a long life.
Any other worries?
Just one. I am terrified of one book. It contains the scariest story in the history of the world. It terrifies books. My pages shudder when I think of this book.
What book are you talking about?
Well that will end my interview on a down note.
Sorry, Oh by the way, don’t leave me near where a dog can grab me. Those sharp teeth biting into me is a real mood killer. And that slobbery drool! And speaking of mood spoiling, imagine being read, then bookmarked and stowed away, opened up and read some more, then bookmarked again; open and close, open and close. Readus interruptus. Ugh! Just finish me will you please.
Okay, time for you to go back on the shelf. Thank you for being with us today and good reading.